There is sort of a connection between me and the darkness my life have developed me to be, so I've spent much time contemplating embracing my trauma. These are some self-expression days when I took the time to re-introduce myself back from living out my art. My mothers homelessness put me in a state of mind of trying to utilize art to heal her path, bring awareness to, bring myself back from the dead isolation and manic episodes of traumatic experience.
I have actively become completely submerged into systems of homelessness, maybe subconsciously to be able to tell a better story & not hold a grudge, comprehend, cope, and continue to be able to relate and generate a stronger more empathetic genuine kindness towards suffering.
Below is a day I decided to do SFX makeup to generate abuse, suicide, and art. I took myself, easel to boulders Pearl Street. I spent time in public feeling invisible, scared, timid, introverted, ignored, passed by. Very little communication, and when approached mainly people assumed Halloween costume.
I charcoal sketched 4 pieces and enjoyed the weather before it became too cold.
"Mothers Death" Oil on Canvas
My mother went homeless at the age of 18, shortly after giving birth to my first son. I am 33 years of age, and as of 2 years ago she went missing or assumed dead. Street homeless, mentally incapacitated after a lifestyle of abuse from men, alcohol, and conservative religion in the south. As I consciously live in the day to day reminder of how I will never receive closure on her absence, and the path that lead to it. I become triggered by worst case scenarios and paint them. This is the first painting in series of traumatic self expression paintings called "Mothers Death".
"Path to Homelessness" Oil on Canvas
Dry Brush Technique
Monochromatic
To create the effect of a charcoal sketch from oil painting.
To bring mindfulness towards social pitfalls in an impact piece of graffiti style monochrome oil painting and the passion statement for Aphotic Candle Recycling Co.
"The Dr"
Utilizing dry brush technique.
Slow layering to practice creating the metallic brushed look of the mask of the dr.
The era of the black plague. Continuing the obsession of monochromatic and oil painting.
"Mechanical Wing"
After a 7 day coma, I woke up and slowly dragged myself immediately to the art desk. Coma is not metaphorical, I had a stroke, and went to ER, a few friends somewhat baby sat me in my apartment to make sure I was ok. When I come to, this is the first thing I did. I couldn't think of anything else but obsessing over art and my watercolors. So Mechanical Wing was born. Origional on a watercolor paper, then transferred to the canvas you see below.
I wrote this in honor of the moment, in the moment.
"Deeper throughout restriction her mechanical arm raised. Begin inlay and seeping through dark hearts spirit rises arms soul changed to bleeding heart delays. Powerless and uncontrolled fluttering weakening heart, dying on the inside in and out of wakefulness not knowing light from dark - there is no time. It stands still. While watch in awe while the wind gains color, the sky lights up a beautiful of her dust discovered. Spirit arises so solid a force and on merry way of destruction of course. It is said these things happen in a flash where solitude breeds greatness that micro shatters glass. Watch me rain glitter, reflecting the sun, and a beautiful sight to see dancing in my sun."
"Eye" - Watercolor
Deep meditation and created this watercolor eye. Two things almost always in my painting seem to be the obsession with eyes, and hearts.
"Love Till Kingdom Comes"
The spirit of love in the form of dragon.
"Plaid"
Red Plaid oil on Canvas. Dimensional, one solitary color with different brush strokes to define dimensional plaid with single oil.
The words that came to my mind were:
“Some are born into the darkest, and therefore most beautiful, poetry; some are born FOR it.
... a bird inside color.”